Yes, they're twins. Both of them!

Everyday experiences with twins. The ups, downs and downright unexpected.

It’s strict in the forest July 15, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — twinsmummy @ 1:23 pm
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This week we have been to Centre Parcs in Longleat. It is our little family holiday before my husband heads back to the giant sandpit, leaving the troops and I in the UK for another month before he comes to collect us.

I’ve only been to Centre Parcs once before, and that was when I organised a corporate event at the Sherwood Forest one. I’m not sure which was more challenging – taking 3 children under the age of 6 or 50 salesmen. It’s hard to decide.

We have had a brilliant week, despite the appallingly dreary weather. We are staying in a two bedroom lodge which is surprisingly comfortable. It has everything we need to cater for small people, plus just enough space to make sure that we don’t fall out with each other. Well, most of the time anyway.

My son has learned to ride a bike without stabilizers. The girls have swum in the ‘sub-tropical paradise’, which whilst lovely, couldn’t really claim to bear any resemblance to paradise, but maybe that’s just me being picky.

We have cycled and bowled and this afternoon my son will learn to fence. He had asked for light saber lessons, but fencing was the closest I could achieve. I do hope he isn’t too disappointed.

Now since we’ve been staying here, I have come up with the most fabulous plan to deal with all the problems facing the Great British prison service. I think it’s a genius solution to overcrowding, drug problems and violence and I’m going to suggest it to Mr Cameron next time I bump into him in Waitrose.

We should close down all the prisons, and move all inmates to Centre Parcs.

It’s absolutely ideal.

The rules here are extensive. You need permission to accept visitors, who on arrival, are held at security until their identities can be verified. The food is distinctly average. And you are obliged to fill your days with activities. Surely that is what prison is all about?

It is almost impossible to gain entry or to exit unless it has been pre-booked, allocated, ticketed, computerised and approved at Guest Services.

And it costs a fortune.

The only thing that I can find to do for free is printing. I chanced upon this as our solicitor requested more documents from us in relation to the house sale. Expecting disappointment, I pitched up with my laptop and discovered that printing is surprisingly easy and, free!  I’ve been regretting the fact that my blockbuster novel isn’t ready for proofing yet, as I’m dying to go back and print more. My husband is perhaps understandably, beginning to fear for my sanity.

So I’m sorry to all the Centre Parcs devotees who go every year. Once Dave hears my plan, it’s surely just a few logistical decisions away from becoming reality.

And for all the families who’ve previously enjoyed Longleat, Sherwood and Elveden Forests?

Next year, you’re off to Broadmoor!

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Change of Direction May 17, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — twinsmummy @ 9:17 pm
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I’m seriously thinking of permanently changing the subject matter of my blog.

A week or so ago I wrote a piece on my fascination with David Cameron’s taut and shine-free complexion.

Well, the number of hits on this particular post was astounding.

Now, whilst I think my little updates on our daily life are fascinating, I can also see that perhaps, the head of the Tory party (as he was at the point I was writing) may be of interest to a wider audience than those who simply log in to see if my fish are still alive.

The thing is, on inspecting the stats more closely, the people who reached my blog were searching for information on that very specific topic. “Has David Cameron had Botox?”. So it’s not just me who suspected as much. There is a very real and public interest in my observation. And that was before he became Prime Minister.

So I’m now thinking of new political insights, observations and shameless rumour-mongering that I could share with my lovely and loyal readers that would also appeal to the Dave Brigade. So far I’ve come up with the following topics for future discussion.

Isn’t it time that Nick Clegg went for a hair cut?

What does SamCam make of the decor in No. 10?

Wardrobe analysis – how many suit/tie combos can Dave get through in a week? He was looking pretty sharp in Wales today in a dark grey suit set off with a pistachio tie.

And of course the unavoidable debate – Dave & Nick versus Ant & Dec. Who do you trust more?

 

Has David Cameron had Botox? May 3, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — twinsmummy @ 7:45 pm
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Ok I’ll admit this has nothing to do with twins, or motherhood, or living in Dubai, or any of the topics that usually inspire my blog. It is however, very topical. I am after all, a Brit with a medium term plan to return to the UK to live.

On Thursday, a General Election will take place to decide the future government of the UK. Fear not, I have no intention of passing on any of my personal political wisdom (which is just as well really, as I’m not entirely sure I possess any personal political wisdom). I just wanted to throw something out there and give you something to contemplate on this May Bank Holiday Monday.

Do you think that David Cameron has had Botox?

I’m serious.

Most evenings, I flick on Sky News to see if anything important is happening in the world. And of course for the past month, whilst many other important things have happened, there has also been floor to ceiling coverage of Messrs. Brown, Cameron and Clegg smarming their way into my living room.

And it’s all so dull, and so predictable, and so confusing in many instances, that I’m afraid my mind has tended to wander off the key issues of the economy, immigration and education. Instead I find myself thinking, ‘well Brown and Clegg are very shiny, but David is looking incredibly taut and shine-free’.

So, I’ve come to the only logical conclusion.

Either he’s got Bobbi Brown on call, or he’s had Botox.