I’m having a bit of a dilemma. Having convinced myself 6 months ago that I absolutely had to go back to work at least part-time, before I went truly insane; I’m now not entirely sure that working is all it’s cracked up to be.
Don’t get me wrong, there are bits of it that I love. I enjoy meeting clients, and helping them work out what they could be doing better, and proposing ways to achieve this elusive greatness.
I love making pitches and trying to win new business, and most of all, I like putting my brain into gear and thinking of more challenging issues than what to cook the troops for tea tonight, and is the numeracy passport test tomorrow or Monday?
I like putting on a dress, and heels, and make up; and feeling like a professional, grown up as opposed to a slightly frazzled mummy who wears eau de vomit and practical, washable casuals that are routinely dribbled, vomited and cried on.
However, I’d forgotten about the pain of office politics, the pettiness, and the process of adjusting to an established office environment where the inmates thought they were doing just fine without me.
I actually don’t want to be great friends with any of them. I want to do a good job and then go back home to the people who really matter. I like to be pleasant and friendly, whilst definitely keeping my colleagues at arm’s length. I sense this approach doesn’t do me any favours.
On the upside though it’s lovely to be earning my own money again, and to be able to treat myself to the odd purchase here and there without feeling guilty for raiding the family coffers.
And I can’t for a moment claim that my working has disadvantaged the troops in any way whatsoever. The big brother is none the wiser as I only work during school hours. And the twins seem to absolutely adore nursery. They can’t wait to get there each morning, and on the days that they’re due to be at home, they routinely pop on their shoes after breakfast and ask to be taken to see Miss Louisa.
So actually, the only issue here is me. And in theory, I have the perfect situation. I’m a working mummy having it all.
I’m just not entirely sure I want it anymore.
Maybe it’s time for a career change?