One of the most frustrating things about having twins isn’t the non-stop nappy changing, or the sound of two sets of tiny lungs yelling in unison, or even the sheer exhaustion that has become the normal state of being.
No, the thing that really grates is the volume of utterly stupid questions and comments that people throw at me on a daily basis.
Here are a few of my ‘favourites’ and the replies I wish I had the nerve to respond with.
1. You’ve got your hands full.
Reply. I have. Would you like to come over and make dinner for me? It would really help.
2. Are they identical?
Reply. What do you think? (One’s blonde, the other’s brunette. One’s olive-skinned, the other fair. They are different sizes and have completely different features).
3. Two boys?
Reply. Yes, I just dress them in drag for the fun of it.
4. I’m glad they’re yours and not mine.
Reply. So am I.
5. Did you know you were having twins?
Reply. No, I didn’t even know I was pregnant.
6. Were they natural / normal?
Reply. What the bloody hell has it got to do with you?
7. How do you tell them apart?
Reply. I have their names tattooed on their inner thighs.
8. Do twins run in your family?
Reply. We’ll have to wait and see, they’re only crawling at the moment.
9. Are they yours?
Reply. No, I just pinched them from a woman in the supermarket. Do you think she’ll notice?
And my all time, can’t beat it, have to hear it at least once a day…
10. Are they twins?
I’m afraid the answer is just too rude to put in writing…